I check the mail much more regularly as Christmas approaches, because I can't wait to see who sent greeting in that day's batch of letters. I loathe the fact that this tradition is falling by the wayside. I get it. I know it's easier NOT to collect the photos, make the cards, write the letter, address the envelopes, and buy all the stamps. I know there are already so many demands on our lives during the Christmas season. But I love them.
I love the process of adding the names of all the babies born this year (even though it takes FOREVER because of the stage of life my friends and I are in right now). I love reminiscing about each person as I write their envelope. I love sending up a little prayer for the changes I've heard about in their lives that year: moving, new birth, new marriages, the passing of someone important, the losses and gains. I love the entire process. And I don't know if I'm overly sentimental, but I love the idea that someone else has done the same for us.
At church this past Sunday, our Pastor was again working through Ruth. He discussed lament, the crying out to God for the injustice, the hurt, the pain, the suffering in this world, in our lives. Of course, we have plenty to lament in this world, in this nation, in this city. God calls us to cry out to Him. To be real with our hurts.
So, what does this have to do with the Christmas cards and letters? Pastor J read through the Christmas letter of a friend of his. It was full of hurts. It was full of doubt and despair. It was full of heartbreak. And then, at the end, it was still full of hope, for the coming of a Savior. This letter peeled back the facade that we often put forth for others. It showed the ugly in their lives, and tied it back to the hope we see as we look toward Christ.
In the spirit of such hope, and lament, I'll share the addenda to my own Christmas letter here:
Dearest family and friends,
I wrote this year with plenty of news, both good and bad. We enjoyed many travels. We watched our boys get bigger and smarter and funnier and sassier. We relished visits from family. We explored our state some more, with hiking, biking and skiing.
But we also faced some tough stuff. We experienced a miscarriage in October, which was heartbreaking, even at just a few weeks along. Shortly thereafter, we plodded through another trouble spot in our marriage. Seems like bad things come in threes, so I just kept waiting for another terrible thing to happen. It didn't, thankfully, but we emerged from October pretty broken, and waiting on hope.
We struggled through some family issues. Close to home, I have a tough time controlling my temper with my sweet kiddos on more days than I'd like to admit. Expecting perfection from little people is a losing battle, I promise. And even knowing this in my sane moments, I cannot seem to keep it together when I'm tired, or hungry, or sad, or anything else. It's hard to be confronted so often with my own failings.
The budget goes wonky about once every other month (which is far too often), and stresses all of us to the max when it does so. We try to find a balance, as everyone else does, with giving to the causes we care about, enjoying the things we love to do, saving for the future, and not spoiling the kiddos too much. It is a regular struggle, and frustrating how fast that lifestyle inflation occurs, even when you think you know how to keep a handle on it.
A bit further afield, we also went through off and on times with the extended family. Butting heads with people you love, feeling hurt by them, ignored by them, strangled by them, or trampled by them, is not easy. But we all have a bit of that in our lives, I imagine, so I won't go into it here.
Finally, I struggle with trying to always "please" everyone. On a regular basis, I find myself overextended because I want to be a yes girl. I want to run children's church, be Micah's teacher, keep a perfect house, love my wonderful husband well, and raise model children. But I also want to attend that event, help with that project, bring that family a meal, and be the perfect friend. Saying yes all the time, to everything, means that something has to suffer. This year has been a year of trying to find balance, of finding ways to maintain relationships while still saying no, and prioritizing the most important relationships in my life before all the rest of the stuff.
As we work through all this humanity, this brokenness, joy, and love, we also take time to pause. We look with hope at our Jesse tree and trace the lineage of a savior, who came to make all things new. We create the margin in our lives so that we can enjoy the quiet, the sparkle, the snow, and the joy of Christmas. And we pray for each of you, whether you've decided to impart the tough stuff to us or not. We know that everyone faces ups and downs in their lives, and we share your joys and your sorrows.
With love and anticipation,
The Cobbs
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